What People Say When You Retire Early
It’s quite common in society to celebrate milestones like birthdays, wedding anniversaries, work anniversaries, and of course, retirements. I can’t tell you how many business functions I’ve attended where a colleague was celebrated for dedicating X number of years to working for the company.
While it’s wonderful to celebrate these typical life milestones, you may or may not get a similar send off when you retire early. If you have saved and invested for years to reach financial independence and decide to leave the workforce by retiring early, it is quite uncommon to receive accolades on your way out. In fact, you may be unpleasantly shocked at some of the reactions you will receive.
Unless you’ve shared your plans to quit the workforce earlier than most people (say in your 40s or 50s), recognize that you will likely get more criticism, concerns, unsolicited advice, and even negative remarks than you will other supportive reactions.
Our Quitting Story
We’re Darren and Jolene. We saved and invested for over 20 years without having a clear goal to leave the workforce early.
We were saving and investing because when we were in our 20s, we learned that the companies we worked for were transitioning from defined benefits to defined contribution programs. In other words, pensions were being phased out. Therefore, many GenXers would need to fund their own retirements. Additionally, we both worked in agriculture, an industry which has significant ups and downs. Jolene worked in ag biotechnology. As this was a new and emerging field when she started working, there was a fair bit of uncertainty involved with it. So, we had a high savings rate in case biotech didn’t pan out.
Fast forward 20 years and we had begun to lose interest in our careers and corporate life. A large corporate divestment and acquisition had distracted us from the exciting science and leadership opportunities that brought us joy in our earlier careers. The Covid-19 pandemic was a “sign” that it was time to move on.
As of this writing in late 2022, we are over two years out from quitting our corporate careers. We want to share with our readers some of the comments we (and other early retirees) have heard when sharing the news that we were exiting the workforce prior to traditional retirement age. Perhaps it will help you anticipate what may come should you choose the FIRE path as well.
Surprise, I Quit
If you’ve kept your head down for years while quietly working on your early retirement goal and post work-life dreams, people are going to be surprised when you start to unveil your plan. Even if you’ve alluded to making some “changes in your life” or taking a sabbatical to travel, some of the first responses may be:
Did something happen at work to make you leave so suddenly?
I’m shocked, you were such a dedicated worker!
Look at what you’ve accomplished in 20 years, why stop now?
Your highest earning years are coming, you’re leaving money on the table!
Initial responses may or may not be very meaningful, so take their first words with a grain of salt. People need a little time to digest this kind of news. You might very well be the first people they’ve ever met who retired before the age of 60. After they have a little time to process the news, you will likely find they fall into one of the buckets we describe below.
Supportive People: Those Who Are Excited For You
You will hear some positive voices that are happy for you. These are people who know how hard you have worked to get to this point. Perhaps you’ll find out that they too are on the path to FIRE (Financial Independence Retire Early), but neither of you were aware of each other’s plans.
Others who we’ve found to be supportive are those who recognize that life is to be enjoyed and lived while you can. Maybe they have witnessed the early death of a loved one or coworker and thus understand that none of us are guaranteed tomorrow.
Another set of people who may be supportive of your new direction are those who dedicated much of their life and identity to a career only to have the employer let them go with minimal notice for any reason. They may respond with “way to stick it to the man!”
Regardless of their reasons for being supportive, thank people for their encouragement and keep them up-to-date on your adventure. They are likely to be (or become) your new circle of friends.
Confused People: Those Who Just Won’t Understand
You’re also going to hear from people who just don’t understand how you (an average person) has the means to pull this off. Because the majority of Americans have very little set aside for retirement, many people just won’t understand how you could have enough money already set aside (or lines of passive income established) to walk away from a steady paycheck. For many, the goal of retiring before they are eligible for social security may not be an option based on what they’ve saved.
There are also people who will wonder what you will do with your time. Typically these are people who have tied much of their identity up in their career and may have few interests and hobbies outside of work. To them you may not just be quitting a job, but also abandoning your identity.
Some of the questions and comments from these people have been:
You are too young to retire.
Won’t you get bored without a job? Everyone I know who is retired is bored.
How are you planning to pay your bills? You’re not old enough for social security.
Are you sick or dying?
Depending on how close these people are to you and whether you feel like investing in keeping the relationship going, you could try explaining the how and why behind why you are making this change.
Curious People: Those Who Wonder If They Could
Some people may have the resources to also FIRE but might not be brave enough (yet!) to leave the perceived safety of W2 life. For these people the uncertainty of the future is just too much. Who knows what health insurance and care will cost in the future? What will inflation do? What happens if the return on my investments decreases? What if I am healthy and live to a ripe old age and out-live my money?
These folks are fun to engage with. They understand that making these changes can be transformational, and they have curiosity to learn more. Some of their questions might include:
How did you plan this?
How long have you been working on this?
How did it feel to quit?
Do you regret not working a year or two more for more financial cushion?
What are you planning to do with your new-found freedom?
Who knows, you might provide the little bit of encouragement that they need to also retire early and start a new chapter in their life.
Concerned People: I’m Afraid For You!
After years in the workforce and being part of large families, we know from personal experience that most people don’t like changes. Whether it’s organizational changes, life changes, menu changes in the cafeteria or at your favorite restaurant, changes in people, or changes in society, most people don’t like change. Most people prefer the known versus the unknown, even when they don’t like the current situation! Change can be hard for a lot of people!
When people express concern about you leaving your job early, it often provides an insight into their own fears. Some of the things they might ask you are:
What are you going to do for health insurance?
Can you even get health insurance without a job?
Aren’t you afraid you are going to run out of money?
You’ll never be able to get another job as good as that one was.
You’ll never be able to get a job with a gap on your resume.
How will you ever qualify for a loan when you need it?
What will your neighbors and friends think about you not working?
What will the people at church think?
The questions and comments that these people share frequently indicate more about their own fears than it does about you or your new direction. You may want to consider these concerns as an insight to their fears and provide them some reassurance that you’ve given this a lot of thought and planning and that you are confident in your plans and abilities. Depending on the situation, you may choose to go into more detail to reassure them that things will be alright.
Jealous People
This one is pretty straight forward. When people diverge from the traditional paths in life they are often criticized by others who followed the “normal path.” Likely they view your choice to follow a different path as a criticism of their choice or that they didn’t have the courage to pursue the unconventional path. Regardless, their comments seem to stem from some level of jealousy.
Still, comments made out of jealousy can really sting, especially if they comes from someone close to you who knows the sacrifices, hard work, and delayed gratification you’ve put in to make an achievement like early retirement.
Some comments that these people might share are:
Must be nice!
Good luck with that.
Your (insert random relative) quit mid-career and that did not work for them, so you will fail, too.
I don’t approve of this new lifestyle, and I’m not talking to you until you get another job.
People who quit before age 65 have bad character.
If you are FIRE’ing, this is likely not the first time you’ve chosen an unconventional path in your life and already have experience in brushing off these types of comments. Chances are that you will not change these people’s minds with anything you say. Remember it’s not YOUR success they are upset about but the fact that it’s not their success. Also, don’t be surprised to hear some of these phrases even from people you think have accepted your new life. People can be funny about these topics.
Storytellers: People May Make Up Lies About You
When asked why their loved one quit their job, some friends or family may find it easier to make up a story rather than explain the truth that you had saved, invested, worked hard, and yes, got a lucky break at some point in your career or business. We find it amazing that people would rather lie than share the facts of how someone achieved a goal.
Here are a few lies or stories we’ve heard from fellow early retirees that their friends/family have shared about why their loved one quit a career:
My child had a mental breakdown mid-career, they are taking a break.
My sibling has a chronic or terminal illness.
My cousin must have got injured at work and got a big settlement to quit so young.
My former colleague won the lottery.
My child is a missionary.
My daughter-in-law was going to divorce my son if he didn’t quit his high-paying job.
It’s hurtful to hear people say things about you that are untrue. But again, how you respond to these people depends on the type of relationship you have with them. Chances are they are someone you still want to maintain a relationship with such as a family member. In that case, you may need to have a difficult conversation with them and explain more about your plans. However, if they’ve made up a great story about you that you like, perhaps you let them keep telling it!
Retirement Police: You Are A Burden on Society, Get Back To Work!
You might even encounter a few individuals who have a perspective that everyone should keep working and “contributing” until they are too old to do so any longer. These people may ignore what you’ve accomplished up to this point, including the taxes you paid throughout your working career. And they may also ignore the fact that you will continue to pay taxes on your investments, property, income from real estate or other business ventures, sales taxes, and likely on Social Security.
From people who are invested in the narrative that anyone who’s not working is a burden on society, you may here comments like these:
Because you are not working, you are not paying taxes.
By living frugally, you are not buying and consuming enough things to “support” the economy.
You took someone else’s spot (e.g. a competitive school admission slot, post-doc, executive training, MBA, mentoring, etc.) and it should have gone to someone who will work until 65 or older, not someone who is going to opt out at 45, 50, or 55.
You are not being productive because your work is difficult to visualize.
You are not doing your civic duty.
This is another group of people who you are unlikely to change their mind. Our recommendation is to simply move on and accept that they have a very different perspective and values.
Coping with the Comments
Be prepared for a wide array of responses. You may be surprised to see which of your family, friends, and coworkers fall into these categories. We hope that you receive mostly positive and curious responses. These are the best ones and the relationships that will be most helpful to you moving forward. However, we also know enough about human nature and our live-to-work American society to expect negative reactions as well. When you leave the “herd” and try out new ways of living, some people are either afraid for you or of you.
How to Deal With Those Who Are Concerned For You
Remember that their concerns for you are usually a reflection of concerns they have for themselves. Try to not provoke their anxiety but rather share information that you think might reassure them. Facts about your journey may help to ease feelings of worry.
How to Deal With The Negativity
Don’t feel like you need to defend your actions. It’s your life and your choice to make the most of it. Remember, don’t take criticism from someone you would never go to for advice. And remember, too, that you didn’t choose this path to gain approval, but to live the life you want.
How To Help Those Also On An Alternative Path
Share what you are doing. Be open and honest. There are many people trying to do the same thing as you did, but they are often the only ones trying in their circle and may very well be looking for other like-minded people.
There are a lot of opportunities to meet people in real life, share tips, experiences, and form friendships. Many people that retire early experience some loneliness as their former circle of friends are still working and they suddenly have less in common with them. Therefore, many early retirees seek opportunities to make new friends within the FIRE community. A couple of places that we’ve found some wonderful new connections are through private Facebook groups and Camp FI.
Best of luck in your journey!
